yamanai ame da neeee

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

sometimes, i wish the world always stayed the same.

today i was in one of the melancholy moods.
maybe its because they reminded me of something i had in the past that doesn't exactly exist anymore.

people always say, its not about having it but the knowledge that you had it.
but it being in my heart is just not enough for me.
i've been missing it so much i'm beginning to think i bring this upon myself, i'm beginning to think that i'm becoming one of those lame shits who sits there and be depressed and then start cursing the world for everything.
i always couldn't understand what they were thinking.
now, i might be becoming one of them.

its like how you always look at older people and go- 'i'll never do this when i'm their age cause its stupid and lame'- like you know everything in the world and that they are just fools doing stuff YOU'D be too smart to do. but then, when you get to that age, you'd do it too.
and then you start feeling like a fool for thinking that they were fools.
because now you know what it feels like to be them.
you start feeling like a fool because you realise what a bloody idiot you were then, and what an idiot you'll continue to be for the rest of their lives. idioticness is not something most people grow out of- think of all that idiotic irritating and totally irrelevant people you've met at EVERY point of your life. even your best friends can get idiotic at times.
at least i do, i also feel dumb because i know there are people looking at me and thinking the same thing i was thinking when i was at that stage of my life.

i wish i'll always be the age where i felt that i could be nowhere better then where i was.
when everyone around me was being idiotic in just the right way (life balances itself)
everything was so sweet then, i didn't have to discover truths about the 'larger picture'- about how small and insignificant i am to the world.
we were part of everyone's lives and we made up each other's days.
it worked so well, i loved it so much.
i never felt insignificant, because everyday, i was being appreciated- a smile, the knowledge that nothing would be the same without anyone, laughter, much joy, tears, complains, sweat, hardwork.
this was appreciation. it IS appreciation.

HAIII i now im being terribly vague and probably accusatory.
but just let me be ok? just for awhile.
sometimes i wish nobody had to please anyone in this wretch world.

8:38 PM

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

ytd wanted to blog but reached home soo late alr so in the end i didn't..

anw, just wanted to blog about how we got FREE yoghurt from the vending machine! heh heh. i know innovians reading this would be so jealous cause everyone loves that machine (such that the supply runs out in 2 days after the refill and i bet 1/4 of it was bought by marcus haha!)
yes yes, so the story was, i was buying yoghurt with amanda then half my money was from raj haha.. then then zhiheng wanted also so we wanted to buy 2! soo.. after we bought one, the catch of the yoghurt thing sort of got stuck and it STAYED OPEN even after one cup alr dropped out!!! so we sort of got amanda's og to tilt the machine for us so the yoghurt would fall out AND IT DID!!! (after much screaming, laughter and all the rubbish) wahhh so exciting lah!! hahahaah.. oops.

so yup, thats the story of how we got yoghurt for half price :)

ok yah, anti climax abit,
i'm so tired of school and our class.
as in, some of our classmates lah.. i don't know what happened to last year's o633A, what happened to the times we worked so hard tgt for pw and all that.. i thought this kind of spirit would go on for at least awhile more, but now its just gone.
great.
sort of give me the idea tt everyone just wanna finish with jc and get on with their own better life, like as what they are doing isn't what they wanna do, that they we forced into it.
as if nothing they do has any meaning in it- until they get out of this place.
i feel so... i dunno, dispirited?
what's wrong with showing some enthusiasm man...
haii.. ok i'm not talking about anyone in particular.. but it's just this general mood in our class nowadays. it's so.... moody.
don't like this. hope things will get better after awhile.
though i doubt very much that it would.

ok anw, school's been real sucky lah, so can't blame anyone also.
i wish i was J1 again, looking at baizura makes me so envious.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........
alvls is in 9 months.
this is funny, but i think i'm starting to worry.

8:46 PM

Sunday, January 28, 2007

HAPPY (BELATED) BITRTHDAY MATONG!!!!!!

hahahah.. i just felt like putting that colour i dunno why.
18 alreadY!!! omg.. you can like legally watch M18 shows.
and you can buy liquor!!! how cool is that?!?!?!?!?!?!
next time celebs bbq you can be our representative lah.. oomgggg..
SO EXCITING.
go buy then check ic.. haha but nobody can say that you're 'illegal'!
wowwowwow!

yay happy bday women (:

1:16 PM

Saturday, January 27, 2007

im not angry anymore.
so yeah, dont really feel like saying much cause i'm so so exhausted from just now.

being angry is such a tiring thing, you know?
i've never been so pissed with my dad before.
haha. seriously felt like murdering him just now...... really.
never had so strong an urge for someone to just get out of my life.
i hate him sometimes, he does have that effect on people.
this is one of those times.

i'm not angry anymore, but i still wish he would go away for awhile, give me some peace.

i think i scared shuduan. hahah but anw, thanks for listening.
i needed it man...

ok i'm going to sleep...
BOTTOMLINE,
chitra's gonna think i'm some delinquent fomr now on, whos hooked to my pc games and read nothing but rubbish.
yay i'm so looking forward!
thanks dad.

1:26 PM

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

i'm suddenly annoyed, hah. i dunno why.. but has it occured to you i don't actually want ____ to know every detail of my life even though i don't mind telling you about it. as in, its just not nice.. its like when i'm having a conversation with you, i'm not actually JUST having a conversation with you, i'm having it with ____ as well. you know what i mean?

hahah. i dunno whats wrong with me.
guys, you all shouldn't be guessing who i'm talking about lah cause yah, i'm just talking rubbish.

11:54 PM

I WANNA TAG AIXIN'S BLOG BUT I CANT GO.
youknowyouknow, i'm so excited about sharing ahem you know!!!
arghh... hahahaha... i can't believe us seriously.

anw, if you're reading this, i think confirm is already lah so damn obvious.'
butbutbut hor, still dont think the other girl is youknowwho leh..
really...

ANW, stop the gossiping...........
TODAY WAS X-CTY!
whoohoo... you know, i was thinking if small amanda nvr stop cause of me we would have beat taurus. or if i pushed myself more... feel very bad.
we lost by ONE point.. my goodness..
its my last xcty leh... hai.. think maybe i could have done better loh..
nvmnvm, i think we had fun...
and i cheered super super loud and we won the cheering!!!
not bad... haha my throat very pain now.
but we got overall SECOND!!!!!
compared to last year's 4th placing we improved damn alot lah!!!
yes we can do it man! hope the j1s will do us proud at the camp..
GO RASALAS!!!!

heh heh.. dunno why i suddenly so high.
hm, anw.. after tt we went bukit timah to eat.
food's not bad haha.. met quite alot of innovians...
met shuduan's cousin from stnicks! i think i see her before in school.. haha aiyah everyone in stnicks look familiar one.. she looks like a co girl. is she?

oh hahaha today i was trying to do some spying during xcty, to no avail.
hah oh yeah, i just wanna say, i cant stand sagi!
ok not like i cant stand the HOUSE.. but more like i don't understand why some ppl got such bad sportsmanship.
just now they were like all sitting there in a group with 'drums' and shouting 'slowly! slowly!' at other house ppl when they were coming in.. i would understand if its just some group of random students who are playing around by themselves.. but its like the exco team of sagi lah.. with the captain and everything?? don't they understand whatever they do would represent the WHOLE of their house? like wth.. doesn't speak too good of their character.
even until the backback people when the timing already over alr they still shouting lah.. all those ppl who were running in were already half dead and trying to finish without stopping and there you are shouting this kinda things at them?
all i can say is, they embarrassed themselves quite badly..
maybe i'm biased, but i don't think this is what a captain should do...
we can shout 'mean' stuff at each other as a house and all that when the whole house is tgt, like to build the atmosphere and all that..
but aiyah discouraging ppl when they are running is just so horrible!
eee.. don't like these people lah.

HM. ok.. dunno if anyone im talking abt is reading this.. but really loh! i mean it..

ok have to go eat dinner alr! hahah.. oops. very hungry leh.

7:16 PM

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

what happened to her?
when did she become so... bitter?

12:15 AM

Monday, January 22, 2007

hey i did the first treatment alr..
rested at home the whole day today...
hai who would have known i actually have an allergy to some weird painkiller?
made my eye swell to a giant size this morn until i could hardly open them.
it was very very bad i looked like a korean lah.. (my sis kept laughing at me wth)
when i woke up and went to look at the mirror i wanted to cry arghh..
it was terrible.

now its better alr.. still abit swollen like as if i've been crying like that..
but much much better alr..
my teeth there still swollen..

the root canal thing was really scary..
first i had 5 injections omg :S
awhile later i was drooling like a chimp but couldnt feel it. ahah.. kinda funny now.
then she drilled out like 60 percent of my teeth.. damn scary. then proceeded to clean deep inside my teeth till the roots there.. it hurt like omg freaking hell. seriously.. i was like grabbing on to my mum's hand so damn hard and was tearing also..
the pain went on until i couldnt take it anymore.. seriously its the worst pain i EVER felt in my entire life..it hurt so bad until my whole face was so hot and i curled up lah.. i think that scared my mum so thats why she came over to hold my hand. i really appreciated it mama! dont think i could have done it without her...AWW. :D
anw...
so, when i almost screamed, she stopped and injected me AGAIN.
i was trying to keep my eyes closed cause its really scary to see heads hovering over you and hands putting strange metal things into your mouth.. but sometimes curiousity got the better of me and when i open up i regret instantly...
the dentist was holding this huge syringe that i saw on the table before the whole thing started.. it was like at least 15 cm big.. with blue stuff inside.. i think thats the thing they filled the inside of my teeth with...
arghh... anw the whole thing was like 45 min... and this is only my second treatment, so i have 3 more to go... omg... arghh... all these for a tooth!!
i cant believe it.

ok lah gtg to homework.
all i can say is,
THANKS GOD FOR ANESTHETICS.
:)

9:57 PM

Sunday, January 21, 2007

I dont wanna extract my tooth.....
but i dont wanna do root canal alsoo....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

went to the dentist, she told me i cant fill the hole cause it hit the nerve already and filling it wont help at all.. she took an xray to show me and omg it hit the nerve! so i feel like dying now.

tell me, ppl.
tell me what am i to do?
which will be a better choice?
I got no mood to do hmwk already lah.. need to decide by tonight,
how to do hmwk??!?!?!?!?!?!!!

extract
price: 50
pain: just the injection part i guess...
its bad enough!
after effects: NO TEETH. omggggg... i cant stand this, where got ppl lose teeth at 17 one?!
next time i laugh everyone know i no teeth loh WTH.. im gg mad now.... and thats not the point, if i extract right, it might affect my biting and my other teeth.. so... i have no idea.
time: 2 hours the most? (plus waiting time)
and a whole day of anxiety lah.

root canal: to remove the nerve of the teeth and blahblahblah. (doesnt it sound ouchhhh.)
price: 1000++++ BUCKS. (oh my freaking hell)
pain: my dad say it aint that bad but matong says its the most agonizing thing ever.
I dunno... i cant decide... but my dad sort of did it before, so.
they way they describe the process i'd imagine it hurts like crap...
after effects: well, a nice tooth loh.
time: ALOT. its 5 treatments please, plus crowning and all that...
FIVE days of anxiety.

this year is an impt year, cannot afford to wait and waste time leh..
its kinda urgemt if i dont do it it'll be equivalent to killing myself.

people, tell me what you think man.

1:20 PM

Friday, January 19, 2007

everyone's lives hasn't be that great,
but toothaches rules MY world.

arghhh seriously need to get to a dentist soon man.
if my teeth rots im gonna cry.
haha.. ohoh ytd was sale of food for fundraising!!
it was relatively successful lah.. not bad at least we managed to sell finish almost everything we got.. haha.. i think its good to have more friends in this kinda situations.
yay the supra ogls are nice even tho i havent spoken or waved to them since orientation, they still bought food from me! heh heh. feel quite guilty now.. aiyah but tis also not entirely my fault.. hmm.. and odac ppl are great too (as usual) altho they tried to run away but they succumbed to us in the end. whoohoo... its wonderful to have friends like these..... :)
j1s were generous too... except for marcus's og. haah.. no lah..
ok so maybe everyone was just sick of our canteen food... hahaha... whatever, i dont care.
we made quite alot of money and im a happy girl..
took photos with the 'money fan' and tried too look greedy/surprised blah.
here's one,

:) all was great.

went to ubin today and had fun with odac ppl.
shall blog tml.
tooth is killing me bye.

6:53 PM

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

im falling in love with cao ge
hahahah... aiyoh he's voice really very nice leh...
argh.
but i'm very old and slow i'm still listening to his old album songs.
but i like his new songs also!!
arghhh he sang damn well at baifenbai the other time and he's damn cute!
heh heh...

anw, this few days have been unbelievably busy and terrible..
alotalotalot of homework and even though i rush like shit, i still have to sleep at like 3 everyday just to complete everything!
and the most rotten thing is, the teacher always have to NOT COLLECT IT the day after!
OMG. feel damn cheated...
that day the stupid econs.. oh man we were all was rushing like crazy and i did like 5 25 mark essays in a day (and thats only econs) AND THE TEACHER DIDNT COME ON MONDAY.

argh
argh
argh.

any idea how horrible that feels????
wah lao... wanted to curse.

then monday night was the same thing...
rushed for gp and geog and the teacher said we could hand in late!!!!!
OMGGGGGGG. wthhhhh.

ohohoh and we finally got our break on tuesday night,
guess what i did when i reached home!
I SLEPT. hahahaha... (no, no one gets a price for getting that)
no no, i didnt just sleep... i slept alot.
hahaha... actually, i slept so much i was only awake for 2 hours the entire time i was home.
so pig lah but wah soooo shuang.

today will be the same situation as sunday and monday...
haiii and im still here blogging.
but wth, i need some time TO MYSELF, you know.
oh today i ran 4.8 in school! so proud of myself.

8:29 PM

Sunday, January 14, 2007

bloody hell i hate being sick.
i'm leaking like a tap and i can't do anything properly!

but does that excuse me from my hmwk?
NO.
does that excuse me from running tml?
NO.

wah, thanks.

12:44 PM

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

omg today the econs teacher was freaking scary.

the moment we sat down he took the mic and started screaming into it until his whole face turned red. omg.
screaming about funny things like what 'you people breathe the same air, wear the same uniform, and study in the same place (...) i dont understand, you people breath the same air (yeah i know! he says it over and over)' goodness....
he was comparing us to the H2 students... ok nvm the worst thing he said is,
'all the H2 students see me alr will shut up immediately, oven the arts students also!'

WHAT THE HELL DOES HE MEAN BY 'EVEN'???
excuse me, arts students are not any noisier then science ones ok!
in any case, at least we dont go around spewing vulgarities and making crude comments about the lecturer!!!
what the... this kind of people should die. unfair piece of shit crap.
funny thing is, he gave us the liscence to talk bad about him one our blogs he said,
'i don't care what you people write about me on your blogs, i'm just doing my job!'
then ok loh.... since you dont care....
and you know throughout his whole scolding thing i wanted to laugh so bad!
you knw that kind of shocked laughter... hahah...
damn horrible and funny at the same time!

and hahaha... he speaks very fast sometimes, gives me the impression he wants to act like he very pro or smth.. he speaks like, 'national income is the total mkt value of all finalgoodsandservices prdced in the economy' blah blah... dunno lah.. so weird and un-nice.
hai whatever, now im so not looking forward to the next econs lecture.
kai liang is no longer there for amanda to look at :( and we're sitting all the way in the front... HAI.

OK ANW,
today's odac was fun!! for me..
hahah i dunno how the j1s felt but i see they play until quite happy also... anyway i finally solved the mystery of the swapped shirt.. im just so glad it's not mr jungle hat's (sorry junjie have to use your nickname for him.. cant think of anything else haha..)
zhiheng was telling me he smell his shirt before, its a mixture of (i quote) cheap perfume+ han chou wei.
EEW. how sick is that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lucky it's not his shirt mannnn.. if not i'll die.
hahahaa... i felt damn awkward wearing gary's shirt but aiyah no choice.
shall return it asap. haha..
after odac, me and amanda went to walk rounds around the track (we were running at first, but gave up after 2 rounds haha!) kicking the ball and singing..
really fun and nice... thanks for pei-ing me.
think i need to do these things more often, it feels good to just do things for fun.. you know??

hmmm... i need to go do my work i really have alot of stuff to do.

8:32 PM

Monday, January 08, 2007

aiyoh i am very intelligent, I AM!
i will get A for gp, cause it's so easy, really, its simple.
don't understand why people always fail their content. tsktsk.
never score well for language tsktsktsk.
and always has so many expression problems, and grammatical errors, AT THIS AGE!
TSK.

gp is really easy,
says mr whatevergpteacherfromrjc.

I feel sorry for that poor old man.

10:16 PM

Saturday, January 06, 2007

It's been a long time since I updated.. considering that so many things have been happening.

OLYMPIA 2007
Orientation is over!
I'm quite glad and pretty sad at the same time lah.
I heard our class teachers are all super fierce and that lessons have been difficult and i'm missing it all! ARGH. I'm worried about what would happen on monday when I go back for offical lessons. I'll die leh.. so yeah, even tho i'm not looking forward but i'm quite glad that i'm going for lessons soon.. must hurry start catching up alr.

But oh well, no denying it orientation was fun.
as in.. i was dreading it and all, but it turned out to be fine!
except for the first day haha.. but i soon made friends with my og.
and i think i'm damn lucky to get such a nice og lah.. they're really very enthu and all that (and i had a too-enthu partner), so i didn't really have to do much to hype them up..
Last night was jam and hop and i was feeling quite sad after it all ended :(
shuduan came to crash! hahah.... and she saw our item and us looking extremely dumb doing it.
CAI CAI CAI! ahahahahah....
omg the cai thing is damn funny!
i heard amandas cheering for me. haha thanks..
we won best item! yay we rock :)
we won best tribe! and best clan also! hahah.. we were the big winners that night.
I didn't leave any contacts with my og.. wonder what it'll be like when i see them after orientation..
ANW, basically, it all turned out great.

REALITY
-2 gp essays
-econs essay(s)
-many many geog shits
-demon-like teachers
-many many rounds around the track on monday. (and the whole of my school life until april)

this reminds me of a song,

It's christmas eve and i've only wrapped two f**king presents,
it's christmas eve and i've only wrapped two f**king presents,
and i hate hate hate your guts i hate hate hate your guts
and i'll never talk to you again.....

haha..

3:06 PM

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Its the new year,
but I still feel very much the same as before.

Still as afraid, still as filled with dread.
Still missing the same old people....

HAI. I'm damn scared of what's gonna come this year...
don't feel prepared at all lah.
This year hasn't been wonderful... and i know next year's gonna be worst.
oh thats just great.

ok but on a more cheerful note,
this year has tested friendships like never before and i'm glad we made it :)
old friends and new friends alike,
i always knew i can't live without friends and i'm glad all you guys were there for me all this way even though it/i was difficult (haha).

I have no resolutions.
or rather, i dont make them cause i know i won't keep to it.
oops. but whatever, this year better be a better one then 2006....
i mean, who doesn't want a better year man (altho i doubt it's gonna be very possible judging from the fact that I HAVENT EVEN DONE MY HMWK. what a great start! and i missed new year celebrations!!! arghhh..... damn it.)

I got tuition later.
ah.

3:59 PM